Reflection on Motherhood

Just look at these little critters.

LOOK!

Now that I have those cutesy, wootsey babies up, let me start off my saying that over the last couple of months I have been feeling very lucky. I’ve gotten everything I thought I would ever want out of life… and then some.

Where do I begin? Maybe from the title. Let’s start from the beginning. I never gave being a mother much thought. I had a mother. I think she raised me as best she could. I came out O.K. But as far as children, well it was never a top priority. I remember being in college and all the girls in my ward would say, “I just want to be a mom!” with this weird glaze over their eyes. It frankly made me want to slap them up against the side of their little blonde heads and say, “Well, what are doing with yourself in the meantime? You don’t even have a boyfriend!”

But I didn’t. I just went on my merry little way with my nose stuck between my thermodynamics, reactor design, and organic chemistry books. I went to Institute. Met some boys. Dumped a lot of boys. Got dumped by even more boys. You know how it goes. I decided to not worry about boys anymore and stopped being afraid of my potential. I decided I was going to have faith that one day I would get married and be a mom somewhere along the path I chose. And just then, when I least expected it, a boy came along and swept me off my feet.

Fast forward to now. I have two wonderful children and one more on the way. I can’t believe what an amazing journey this has been so far. From the very first time I laid eyes on James to thinking what a chubby little chuber-ton Madison was to anticipating the sex of this baby, I can’t believe how fast a year goes by. I can’t believe that last year, Madison was just a little baby. Now she wants to wear necklaces, put “pretties” in her hair, paint her toenails, etc. What happened to my babies?

Last night I just wanted my babies to sleep with me. All in my bed. It was a nice thought. Reality is Madison will not sleep if she is not put down alone in her own crib. Otherwise she will head butt, keep touching your face, or flop around. James is a kicker. He will cuddle and fall asleep but right smack in the middle of the night he will kick because you’re in his space.

I enjoy loving my kids and their little quirks. I feel that I’m emotionally closest to James. Madison is more emotionally connected to Michael. Every night at bed time after she brushes her teeth and has her sips of water she will cuddle with Michael on the couch. If I even touch her or him, she will get mad at me. It really is a sight to see. She has to spend time alone with her daddy. James is my little cuddle bug. He is most obedient to me. Sometimes he can be extremely stubborn. But I think I’ve learned how to get him to do certain things.

Somehow I got side tracked. Back to motherhood. I suppose I’m one of those mom’s that try not to take it too seriously. I like to spend time with them. Now they are at such a fun age, it’s hard not to enjoy every minute of it; whether it be coloring, crafting, going to the swimming pool, or playing outside. I feel lucky that Michael loves his kids so much and just wants to be surrounded by them – well not all the time, ‘course that would be smothering - but nothing compares to sitting on the couch being surround by all your little ones watching a movie. The best moments are in the morning when James straggles into our bed and says with a big smile on his face, “Hi mommy!” Or when Madison pets the side of my face and says, “Nice, nice.”

I never feared that I wouldn’t be able to love one child more than the other. I guess I just trusted that my instincts would kick in and I would naturally love all my kids equally. Of course I’m not afraid to say that James is my favorite and he may always be. I think it’s natural for a parent to gravitate toward the child that is the most like them. As long as the other kids aren’t treated differently, I don’t think it’s wrong to have a favorite. They both get their turns at getting away with things and getting spoiled.

I do wish Madison and I were closer. I remember when she was a tiny little baby all she wanted was me. If she spotted me from across the room she would cry until I picked her up. Now it’s all about daddy. She just wants to always be with her daddy, doing stuff with her daddy, working on the bike with her daddy. Daddy, daddy, daddy all the day long. It will be interesting to see how she will be when she gets older. I can’t wait to go shopping with her getting pedicures and doing all the girly things. I’m sure by then I’ll be wearing mom jeans and be totally out of the hip/stylish loop. She will say, “mom, you’re so OLD.”

Well, I guess I’m supposed to tell you what I got for Mother’s Day. But first, let me tell you I’m not much of a what-did-you-get-me kind of person. I prefer giving gifts. I like putting thought into things and seeing the look on the receivers face when they are surprised because it’s just perfect. Anyway, I was definitely surprised by this year’s Mother’s day gift. I didn’t get a card, like I usually do and it wasn’t wrapped, like it ever is. Michael said something about me recently enjoying the kindle app on my iphone (I finished my first book for the year), blogging, etc and thought it would be nicer if I had something a little bit bigger to do all those things from and pulled out my present from under his shirt. It was a… Uh. What is it? A mini ipad? No. “A Samsung Galaxy Tab.” Cool! So far I like it. The best part of my day is when the kids are all tucked away in bed and I can snuggle up in my own bed and read/check my email/watch tv episodes I missed/search the web. It’s sooooo relaxing. I never thought I would enjoy it so much!